BlackDynamite

If OnlyForKoolKids was to feature in an episode of BBC One’s Who Do You Think You Are, the roots of its existence could be traced (rather too easily) to just one source: Black Dynamite. Yes, when we stumbled across the trailer for this brilliant blaxploitation/kung-fu spoof way back in 2009, it didn’t seem enough to just post a link on Facebook or Twitter. More needed to be said, on a more appropriate medium, and thus this blog was born.

Unfortunately, Black Dynamite never got a theatrical release in the UK, but it still went on to be regarded as something of a cult classic and has since become a successful animated series on Adult Swim in the US. As for us…well, as if by serendipity we chanced upon a legit DVD copy whilst browsing through a store in Amsterdam (no, not that kind of store) several months after seeing the trailer, and can confirm that it is almost every bit as good as the trailer teased.

So yesterday proved especially exciting when actor Michael Jai White (Mr. Black Dynamite himself) responded to a fan’s question on Twitter and confirmed that a sequel was now in the works:

Of course, the only way to really share in our excitement is to actually watch Black Dynamite, and believe us when we say it’s oh so worth the £7.99/$12.99 it costs to download from iTunes. From its loving homage to the slapdash acting, editing and audio of the original blaxploitation flicks, to the kung fu-treachery of the fiendish Dr. Wu and a nunchucks-wielding Richard Nixon, you will laugh…and laugh some more. So what are you waiting for, sucka?

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dead-snow

2013 was the year that saw schlock movie studio Aslyum’s ‘so badly-titled they must be fun’ mashup films grab the public’s (easily distracted) consciousness. One of these, the made-for-TV Sharknado, even went viral to such an extent that once great news networks like CNN deemed it relevant enough to waste airtime on. Problem was that if you actually watched Sharknado it turned out to be ‘so badly titled it’s just bad’ and another hour and a half of your life down the toilet.

Back in 2009, however, the mashup genre saw possibly its finest moment emerge from the colder climes of Norway, in a horror that had Nazi zombies rising from a snowy grave to slay a cabin-full of horny young adults. Only it wasn’t titled ‘Nazi Zombies Rise From A Snowy Grave’ and shit; instead it was dubbed the perfectly concise Dead Snow and was a batshit brilliant slasher/zombie hybrid that paid perfect homage to the splattercore high jinks of early Peter Jackson/Sam Raimi.

Today brought a belated Christmas gift with the teaser trailer for sequel Dead Snow: Red vs Dead, which looks to pick up exactly where its predecessor left off…and then descend into similar Third Reich-reincarnated madness. So if you’ve the stomach for chainsaw-dismembering, limb-ripping and skull-crushing Hitler’s evil undead hordes, 2014 just got a lot more promising.

Dead Snow: Red Vs Dead premieres on January 19 at Sundance 2014

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Tirzah-Micachu

It’s only been a week since OnlyForKoolKids unveiled its 10+20 tracks of 2013, but already we’re more racked with guilt about it than a Mandela memorial service signer. No sooner had we pressed ‘publish’ than friends and previously faded memories drew our attention to some glaring omissions that simply couldn’t go unrectified.

Such is the joy of your own blog, however, that you can make your own rules up as you go along. So without further hullabaloo and restless recrimination, here’s the should’ve been six:

Sophie Bipp

If you threw early Cyndi Lauper into a blender with Aphex Twin, this delicious aural smoothie would be the result. Drink it up, then pour another.

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MED/Blu/Madlib/Mayer Hawthorne The Buzz

Scored by Madlib, the man who always has more soul than a sock with a hole, The Buzz is an instant hip hop-love letter classic.

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Tirzah & Micachu I’m Not Dancing

Straight up fiyah of the most unassuming variety. The catchiest two minutes and 17 seconds 2013 produced.

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Special Request Capsules

Special Request’s 21st century jungle album Soul Music had ravers of a certain age searching for their Dreamscape mixtape packs. Amen break-bangers aplenty.

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Boards Of Canada Nothing Is Real

Scotland’s ambient pioneers surprised us all with Tomorrow’s Harvest, another album of the year contender. If you love synth-inspired soundtracks, search it out asap.

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Burial Hiders

He left it late, but somehow the king of threatening urban soundscapes managed to make the 80s power pop-fuelled anthem of the year.

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Disclosure

While sifting through all the videos in the OnlyForKoolKids 10+20 lists is an eminently rewarding experience, it is one that requires a fair amount of your precious time. So as an early Christmas present, here’s the Spotify playlist featuring all 30 tracks – all killer, so thriller:

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fka

After the 20, here’s the 10. Topped by two women, we’d like to think of it as a big ‘fuck you’ to all the batshit misogynists that made Twitter the littering ground for their rape and murder threats this year. But really it’s just a list of music on an obscure blog. Once again, enjoy:

10. All Day Eyes On The Road

Sure, All Day sounds about 14, but he captures the hopes, fears and self-consciousness of being young in the 21st century quite beautifully.

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9. Kelela Keep It Cool

While Beyonce might’ve grabbed headlines with her snap album release, RnB didn’t get more innovative than Kelela’s CUT 4 Me mixtape.

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8. The Range Jamie

What starts off as skanking grime flowers into something overwhelmingly evocative and moving. Plant this in your ears now.

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7. Daft Punk/Panda Bear Doin’ It Right

While the world went nuts for Get Lucky, Doin’ It Right snuck under the radar as the standout moment from Random Access Memories.

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6. Fuck Buttons Hidden Xs

If there’s a track that better sums up the abject futility that still hangs over humanity in 2013, we’ve yet to hear it.

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5. Zola Jesus Avalanche (Slow)

When music brings tears to your eyes, it really doesn’t get more powerful than that. Sublime.

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4. Hyetal Moving Statues

From OnlyForKoolKids’ favourite album of 2013, Hyetal’s outrageously undervalued Modern Worship.

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3. Jon Hopkins Immunity

The title track from Jon Hopkins Mercury-nominated album, this is the sort of music that Alan Partridge’s ‘Alan’s Deep Bath‘ radio segment was created for.

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2. Sapphire Slows Can I Get Out Of This Silence

From Tokyo’s tiny Sapphire Slows came the most haunting sound of 2013, all emotive synths and luscious, layered vocals. Delicious.

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1. FKA Twigs Water Me

Alongside Yeezus producer Arca, FKA Twigs’ startlingly alien yet explicitly terrestrial music touched down on (and touched up) Earth this year, making the planet all the more sexier for it. Mmm…

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Fin

the20

Admittedly, this does look like another dreaded ‘best of’ list. And to make matters worse, we even bent our own rules compiling it – the original brief was a top ten of 2013′s best tracks. But as is the case with every year since man started recording sound in one form or another, there has been far too much good music to select with such discipline.

So instead we present the 10+20, starting here with the 20. To clarify, this is more an ‘our favourites of 2013′ than a definitive ‘best of’. Unless you’ve heard absolutely every track made this year (and OnlyForKoolKids hasn’t come close), an attempt at the latter is redundant from the off. And anyway, it’s all just a matter of opinion. More than anything, we hope you enjoy listening:

30. Rustie Slasherr

In all honesty, Slasherr could be much higher up the list, but it’s always good to kick off with a banger. And what a banger…

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29. Etherwood Unfolding

More top new talent from Hospital Records/Med School Music, drum ‘n’ bass doesn’t get much more sensual than Unfolding.

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28. Jay-Z/Rick Ross Fuckwithmeyouknowigotit

Magna Carta… Holy Grail wasn’t up to much. But Fuckwith… has Jay’s best rhymes since his guest spot on Freeway’s What We Do.

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27. Apparat A Violent Sky

Apparat might be the alter ego of German musician Sascha Ring, but he has more soul in his fingers than Chris Martin ever will.

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26. Disclosure Stimulation

Yeah, we could’ve picked pretty much any track from Disclosure’s Settle. It really is that good.

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25. Kendrick Lamar/Warren G Enjoy

Yeah, this came out on a mixtape in 2012, but it was released on iTunes in 2013. So get this 9th Wonder-produced hotness ASAP.

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24. Tessela Hackney Parrot

No, we’ve no idea what a Hackney Parrot is either. But this is surely 2013′s most brock out dance track.

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23. Ta-ku Day 29

Just one of many gorgeous tracks from Ta-ku’s brilliant J Dilla tribute double-album 50 Days For Dilla.

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22. The Besnard Lakes People Of The Sticks

Never mind the indecipherable lyrics, this is the dreamiest, most delightful indie track of the year.

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21. The Holidays Voices Drifting

Lighters in the air (not your bloody smartphone!),take a trip back to mid-90s electronic-tinged rock with The Holidays’ anthem.

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20. Hurtlove/// No Ceremony

Just a piano riff, a New Order-style bassline, a house beat and some fractured lyrics? No, it’s so much more than that.

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19. μ-Ziq Houzz 10

A love-letter to euphoric acid-house, Houzz 10 is as loved-up as it’s possible to get without chemical assistance.

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 18. Bonobo Cirrus

Pure rhythmic loveliness, once again, from Brighton’s very own Bonobo.

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17. MMOTHS All These Things

One of our favourite new producers of last year, MMOTHS continued to delight in 2013.

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16. Daniel Avery Free Floating

Roland 303-based acid phunk, you say? Yes please, say we.

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15. Ejeca Time For Change

Deeper than an ocean, with enough bass to wash away all your stresses and strains. In a word: lush.

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14. Machinedrum U Still Lie

Creeping up on you like the loveliest apparition, U Still Lie is utterly transcendent.

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13. College Tempête Magnétique

Simply the best synthwave artist going, it’s criminal that College is still best known for appearing on the Drive soundtrack.

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12. Ikonika Let A Smile Be (Y)our Umbrella

Even with synth stabs sharper than samurai’s sword, this is one cut you’ll want to suffer again and again.

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11.  Sun Glitters Closer To The Sun

Locked down in the city on a cold winter’s day? Pump this through headphones and envelope yourself in sunshine and warmth.

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THE 10 to follow shortly…

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